Getting The Girl
|
You’re a dude, and finally (finally!) after the forty-sixth Japanese girl you’ve asked, one of them has sighed and then followed that *sigh* up with an “okay, fine. Just this once, okay?” It’s a date! Later that night you shine your “Dispel The Foreigners” kanji tattoo, put on your fanciest cosplay outfit, and get ready for your first date with a Japanese girl. But then you realize, just as you’re about to knock on her door ten minutes early (boo boo) that you have no idea what you can expect! Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Keep in mind that a lot of statements are generalizations. All people are individuals that do their own things, so use the following information with caution. We are not responsible for causing any injury, death, or heartbreak, kk?
One thing in particular for non-Japanese guys compared to non-Japanese girls (dating Japanese guys) is that it seemed a lot easier for the dude to find someone willing to date them. If you just open your eyes and look around Japan you’ll see this statement in action. Even outside of Japan this holds true. How many couples are there with non-Japanese guys and Japanese girls? Okay, now how many Japanese guys with non-Japanese girls do you see? Probably not as many. Perhaps none at all. Part of this could certainly be due to the fact that Japanese girls are more open than Japanese guys to the idea of dating non-Japanese people. Whatever it is, if you’re a guy you’re going to have a much easier time meeting and then dating Japanese people. As you might expect as well, a lot of men met their significant other via some kind of English-related activity, whether it was English school, some kind of English practice circle, or even a girl just wanting to practice English on a train. Not looking Japanese has its perks in this case.
That being said, a lot of non-Japanese people go to Japan to teach English, so of course there’s going to be a lot of English-teaching-related relationships going on. Maybe teaching English / speaking English has nothing to do with finding someone. Maybe most non-Japanese people are doing English-related things already, so of course this story comes up more often! That’s definitely possible, but I wouldn’t know unless I talked to more Japanese girls dating non-Japanese guys about it. But, there were some other “first meeting” places mentioned a decent amount as well. “At a bar” and “online” came up fairly often, so if English isn’t really your thing then those two alternatives exist as well. Though, “English” does come up later in the “communication” section of this article, so perhaps there is something to it? Expectations Of The ManWe’ll talk more about this a lot more in the “What It’s Like To Date A Japanese Guy” post since I think that perspective is more interesting here, but let’s take a quick look at what you, the dude, is expected to do. First of all, you’re going to be paying for everything… that is, except purikura (actually part of a story I’ll put in the opposite version of this article), because girls can pay for that on their own. If you go out on a date for dinner, be prepared to pay for the food. No splitting the bills or BS like that, because you’re the guy and you’re going to pay. Of course, there’s exceptions to this “rule” and there will be girls out there willing and asking to pay for date-related things, but that’s not the norm. That being said, if you end up living together or visiting her home, you won’t be expected to do any of the housework or cooking. There were a couple exceptions to the cooking rule (where the guy really loved cooking and insisted on cooking), but for the most part it’s expected that you’re going to let them do all of that. There will also be some interesting cultural differences, depending on where you’re from. Expect more gift-giving to happen from girls. This is one thing that seemed to pop up in the surveys that surprised people a lot, for some reason. Japan is a very gift-giving culture so it makes sense, but just be sure to be ready for it. My favorite quote has nothing to do with gift giving, however, and has to do with going on a movie-date.
The expectations of “what a guy is supposed to do” and “what a girl is supposed to do” are going to be different from culture to culture. I don’t want to spoil too much from the girl’s perspective article though, so I’m going to stop here. But, the above should give you an idea of where to start at least, should you find yourself in the position of dating a Japanese girl. 2. Showing AffectionAffection and how you show it tends to be a bigger topic on the “girls dating Japanese guys” side of things, but we’ll go over some of the bigger points here (and you’ll have to wait for more of the stories and such in the next article). In general, Japanese people don’t show as much affection towards each other in public (or in private, for that matter) compared to Western couples. This surprises a lot of people at first. There’s a lack of hand holding, hugging, kissing, and so on in public places. Some people even complained that “the first kiss” happens way later than you’d expect, though others said that sex tends to happen sooner than they expect. I suppose both of those statements could be true at the same time, though. There were some Japanese girl perspectives in the survey I ran and thankfully a couple of them talked about this topic as well as the topic of physical affection.
In Western relationships you’re expected to show physical affection in private and in public. It’s how you show you love someone, right? In Japan that’s not the way you do it and “understanding of the other person” becomes more important. This was also brought up a lot in terms of non-physical affection. One complaint I saw a lot was that non-Japanese guys had trouble knowing what the girl was thinking and feeling. It’s certainly the Japanese way to not come out and directly say how you’re feeling about something, so this has caused a few problems in respondents’ relationships. In Japan, you’re expected to be able to read and understand people and how they’re feeling, even though they’re not showing it or telling you. That being said, Japanese people spend their entire lives learning how to do this whereas in the West we tend to just say what’s on our mind so this “skill” never really develops. A lot of people in the surveys thought their girlfriend was being cold to them, but in reality they were just being normal and the guy was expected to know what was going on. Or, when the girl was upset about something she wouldn’t really say it, and it would become a problem when the guy didn’t realize. It’s safe to say that you should pay extra close attention to noticing cues she may send out. If you miss them you may not think it’s a big deal, but after a while she will think you’re selfish and mean. Communicating and talking about this issue has also proven helpful to some. 3. Meeting Her Family“Meeting the family” seemed to be one of the things that a lot of people were initially nervous about then figured out that it wasn’t so big of a deal. Most families are nice, accepting, and won’t try to kill you in your sleep because you’re dating their precious Japanese daughter. Almost everyone had a great experience meeting the family… that is except for one respondent, who has an awesome story. Keep in mind, this is probably not the norm. Also note that this Japanese girl also grew up partially in Japan and partially in LA (will make more sense as you read it):
Despite the story above, this seems to be one of the things you least have to worry about. In fact, there seemed to be more problems with the Western parents, because usually they were afraid their child would never come home again after marrying a Japanese girl (sometimes they were correct in this assumption). Communication?Another topic that I thought might come up more but didn’t actually pose much of a problem was the issue of “communication.” Despite having two separate native languages, respondents communicated well with their significant others. I have a couple theories on this. One involves an idea brought up earlier in the article in the “affection” section. Communication is often unspoken in Japanese culture (not due to bionic implants, sadly) and you’re supposed to read the other person to know how they’re feeling and to know what they want. Perhaps those who have had longer and more successful relationships realized this earlier. Or perhaps the Japanese significant other met the non-Japanese partner half way (in being more direct). The other theory involves English. Of course, the non-Japanese person often learned quite a bit of Japanese, and that helps too. But, since so many of the “meetings” of these couples had to do with English (school, meetups, practice-attempts, etc) it is safe to assume that the Japanese girl had an interest in English already which means they would be more likely to learn English well compared to regular Japanese girls. Same usually goes for the non-Western guy (with Japanese), which means they learn each others’ languages pretty well. One story in regards to using Japanese/English in their relationship really stood out to me.
It’s funny because it’s true. The Japanese language is inherently set up to be more polite. I wish I could have seen their arguments. So like “meeting the family” I think there’s less here to worry about than most people might think. Communication can occasionally be an issue, but usually like-minded people will find a way past any problems and make it work without issue. If you’re not meant to be with each other then sure, maybe communication could hurt the relationship. But, if you’re good together then the issue of “communication” will hardly make a drop in the bucket. If that doesn’t happen, though, I guess we can look forward to a future of bionic brain implants. by tofugu.com https://misogino.altervista.org/datinginjapanasforeigner/ |